just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
