Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
