We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize