Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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