Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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