How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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