my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
