I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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