Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
