I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
