While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
