Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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