Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
