College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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