Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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