My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize