He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
