You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
