I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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