I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
