i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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