watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
