I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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