I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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