he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
