yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
