I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
