On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
