So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You took a bar mat shot.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
