It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
