The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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