...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
