Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
