Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
