quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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