Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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