I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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