I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
