Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He better not be in your backpack
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
