even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
