you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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