i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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