do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
