omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
