I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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