but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
