We're facebook friends in real life
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
