You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
