So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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