is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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