Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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