The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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