I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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