Michael Bay diarrhea
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
