Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
