am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
