Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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