I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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