I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
