Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
