my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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