You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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