Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
