I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
