What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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